How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
