its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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