so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
