the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
