I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
