yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
