i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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