My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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