Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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