Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They took my balls.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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