are you still at the devil's house?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
