My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
