Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think your dad took our porno
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
