I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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