She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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