pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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