pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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