I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
