This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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