I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
