halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
