You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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