Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
