Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
