fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
