Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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