so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
