Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
