Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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