I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
