Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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