$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
