girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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