Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
