I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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