2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
