Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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