Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
