I think i peed on brittanys purse
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
