Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize