My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
