I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
