I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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