I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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