dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
