I hate your face
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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