I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
