Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
