He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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