That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
