Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
