i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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