I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
