This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
