My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
