Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
