Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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